Hello there, my friend.
I’ve spent years telling anyone who’ll listen that 80%+ of people who ask for a lower interest rate on their credit card get one, but far too few people ask. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said this on a podcast or some other interview and gotten the same stunned reaction:
WHAT? Why doesn’t anybody know this?
Knowing is only a part of the problem, though. Maybe the most frustrating part of all of this is when people know they can ask but they still don’t.
The question that explains a lot
While I was researching my book, I asked financial therapist Amanda Clayman about this, and she answered with a question of her own: “Are you from an asker culture or a guesser culture?”
In a guesser culture, Clayman said, you’re taught that putting someone in a position where they might have to say no is rude. So instead of asking directly for what you need, you hint. You say, “Gosh, I’m starving,” and wait for someone to offer you food, rather than just asking for a sandwich. The whole point is protecting the other person from an awkward moment, even if it means you don’t get what you want.
In an asker culture, none of that applies, Clayman said. You just say what you need. If the answer is no, fine. You asked, you move on. Nobody’s feelings are hanging in the balance.
Clayman is from the Midwest, which she described as a classic guesser culture. She married a New Yorker, and living with him rewired how she saw her own family.
“I constantly felt like, ‘Oh, my God, he’s saying all the quiet parts out loud,’” Clayman told me. Now he’s the one who calls customer service in their house because he can push through a phone tree and negotiate without the discomfort that would send her, in her words, “to bed like a Victorian woman.”
Companies know we’re guessers, and they like it that way
Most of us are guessers, Clayman said. However, while many of us don’t recognize it, many businesses do, and they use it to their advantage.
“It’s not an accident that people don’t do it,” she said. “That’s a feature, not a bug.”
Companies do not build systems that make it easy for you to ask for a better rate, a fee waiver or a discount, Clayman said. She said they build systems designed for askers, because askers are rare and expensive to accommodate, and guessers just quietly keep paying full price. The awkwardness you feel before you call your cable company isn’t a personal failing, she said. It’s working exactly as designed.
So what should guessers do?
If you’re a guesser, Clayman said you don’t have to rewire your whole personality. You just need to be able to act like an asker for five minutes at a time a few times a year.
Pick your battles wisely. You don’t have to negotiate everything. Pick three or four items to focus on — your credit card APR, cellphone bill, gym membership and a medical bill, for example — and then spread them out over the course of the year. They don’t all have to be big wins, either. Getting a small, easy victory to start with can be incredibly motivating, and that really matters.
Write down exactly what you want to say, and read it out loud before you call. Most of us stink without a script. That’s why every request I address in my book comes with a word-for-word script to help you know what to say. It makes a real difference. (And why I offer all new subscribers three free scripts when they sign up.) You don’t have to write a novel, nor do you have to anticipate every possible twist in the conversation, but just starting with a scripted sentence or two can really help. And once you’ve written it down, read it out loud. Sometimes what looks good on a page doesn’t sound as good when spoken.
If you have no idea what to say, start here:
“I reviewed my account and noticed I’m paying more than I expected. Who on your team can I speak with to see if there’s a way to lower my bill?”
It won’t apply to every negotiation, but it works in many cases. Plus, with a few small tweaks, it could work in plenty more.
Give yourself permission to feel weird about it. Your hands may get clammy, and your heart might race. These aren’t signs that something’s wrong. It’s just your body reacting to something unfamiliar. It happens whether the call goes well or badly. Feeling it isn’t the problem. Letting it stop you is.
Your homework for this week
Try it on one bill this week. Maybe it is the one that has bugged you the longest. Maybe it is the one that you think will be easiest to ask for. Maybe it is the biggest bill. It doesn’t matter.
Make the call. Let your hands be clammy the whole time if they need to be.
Then, once you’ve done it, come back and tell us about it in the comments.
Next week… I’m off to NYC
I love my New York media tours, and I’m back at it next week. Going to be a very busy one, but it’ll be a lot of fun. I’ll share pictures here soon.
Also, if you have any good restaurant recommendations for me, let me know. Ideally, they’d be places that aren’t so expensive that I get in trouble when I file my expense report.
Until next time!
Matt